Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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