i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
