Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
