i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
