What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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