We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
