I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
