Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
