she pinky promised me she was 18
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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