what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
