You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
