Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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