I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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