i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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