she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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