you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
