Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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