Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You are the jesus of drinking
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
