he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
