the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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