I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
