Michael Bay diarrhea
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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