Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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