do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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