he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
