He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
