Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
