i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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