Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
