actually, I'm a sock model
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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