You're my little dorito
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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