He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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