I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
