There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
