took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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