I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
