p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
