he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
