This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
