I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
