Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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