you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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