I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Drunk is not a location!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
