I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
