Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
