I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
