I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
