Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize