FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
