Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
