I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
