Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
