I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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