Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
