He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
