what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
