I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
