Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize