Im at strip club and am horny
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
