we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
