My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
