I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
