I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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