he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
