i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
