Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
