It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
