"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
