you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
