If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need to sanitize my soul.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
