Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
